Obedience, respect, deference, chastity – of course; but day to day, very good manners go a long way.
Imagine if, when the lady of the house entered a room, a man in my position rose and stayed standing until she had taken her seat. Could there be any more overt acknowledgment of her feminine authority? And if he rose again when she left the room? In point of fact, up until the 1950′s, that was the protocol.
A lady should never have to open a door nor should she, for a moment, worry about how she might sit down to dinner gracefully, her chair will be held.
Conversationally, a man in my position should let his wife take the lead. Not quite only speak when spoken to, rather a constant deference to the topics which interest her. And this extends well beyond simply nodding when she speaks of handbags or recipes or the book she is reading. A well mannered, well tempered, man will take an interest in the topics which interest her. Five minutes on the internet will give him the information required to ask the questions which will let her shine.
It is no contradiction to describe a female lead relationship as a relationship of equals because what woman would want to lead a man who was any less than her equal? An elegant woman recognizes that any man worth her while will have his own interests, his business relationships and friends. She will make sure that, while these male interests are, of course, entirely subordinate to her requirements, they are provided for. However, a subordinate man never speaks to the lady of the house about such things unless and until asked.
In the wider world, a well trained man has the good manners to always walk on the street side and, if practical, half a pace behind. If the lady is shopping he must be prepared to hold her coat and bag as she tries things on. He will, of course, carry the purchases. He will also, and this is often difficult, be Zen like in his patience.
A man in my position does not hold the lady of the house accountable: if she goes out it is entirely up to her as to when she returns. While a man in my position has strict limits on his time and his lateness is punished, precisely the opposite holds true of the lady of the house. Just as importantly, regardless of when she returns, the lady of the house should be welcomed to her home.
The root of good manners is deference, putting the lady of the house first at all times. It takes a bit of getting used to but, once the basics are mastered, a man in my position will find it impossible to remember when, for even an instant, he was any less than deeply respectful and obedient. And, if by chance, he slips, the lady of the house should have no hesitation whipping him for even the slightest breach.