There is no question that I submit to the lady of the house. My well striped bottom after my latest, fairly minor, transgression, attests to that. But a person may submit to another person while holding back a part of themselves. The entire concept of power exchange turns on this crucial fact. And that withholding is what, ultimately, I found dissatisfying the first time Hannah took charge a couple of years ago.
I’ll put it another way, in our previous attempt, I was chaste and constantly longing for Hannah sexually. Now I am chaste and constantly longing for Hannah. Sexually, no longer comes into it as my own sexuality is rapidly ceasing to exist as an independent force. When Hannah wants pleasure I try my best to give her pleasure. And, sometimes, rarely, my own sexual energy is of use to her pleasure. Mostly it is not. Mostly, if I have release at all it is into an iron saki cup guided by my own hand and, if I am particularly lucky, brought on by her teasing and then pinching my nipples – hard. And this is precisely how it should be.
I am not reconciled to my chastity, I embrace it. I do not submit to my whippings, I adore the hand which wields the cane. Her attention and consideration are all that I can want and all that I need. My greatest flaw, a surrendered man, is that I want more. Which my sweet Hannah understands but does not feel in the least bit inclined to give.
I am delighted with the scraps from her laden table.