A Different Life

two elegant ladiesHannah and I are having an argument. It does not matter what it is about but it is a long standing point of contention. Previously this would have lead to harsh words, now I moderate my speech and, if I feel that I am going to say something I shouldn’t I remove myself from the situation. Which, I fear, I did not do completely enough and so will be whipped later today. But, compared to where the argument would have gone a few years ago, my submission was very nearly complete.

Our little poll below is interesting – as I write you have indicated that 50% of the people reading this blog are women. A surprise to both Hannah and I. Though, as we talked about it, it actually makes a lot of sense. We are always astonished at the number of Hannah’s friends whose relationships and marriages are characterized by a lack of respect and, well, manners. This, of course, leads to any manner of tension and, often, to the end of the relationship. These women are successful, intelligent and often very attractive – yet, somehow, Prince Charming has, in a matter of months or years, become a lout.

A man on a first date or in the early stages of courtship is never a lout. (Or, if he is, an elegant woman would not be silly enough to involve herself with him.) But, as a man relaxes the rot can set in. At a certain point it looks to become permanent and most women have a hard time figuring out what to do. So, in many cases they don’t do anything and simply put up with their situation. They do this because they can see no alternative.

As Hannah will point out there is an alternative: a woman can, and should, set expectations and take charge of ensuring that they are met. Now, Hannah usually stops well short of a full on description of all of the aspects of our female lead relationship. But she is perfectly comfortable pointing out that a wife can and should only pleasure her husband when she is actually in the mood. Mood, is, of course, partially cyclical but it is also a reflection of how a couple is getting along. No woman wants to make love to a lout. So she shouldn’t. If he is insistent a wife is perfectly within her rights to hand her husband a tissue and tell him to get on with it.

Simply taking charge of your husband’s sexual appetite is a huge step forward for a wife. But, as Hannah points out, you have to have full control and that means making sure your husband is drained regularly. Once he is used to only being allowed to ejaculate with your permission a wife can certainly extend the times between ejaculations. And, that begins to restore the balance in the marriage. Now the husband properly looks to the wife for approval knowing that her approval will improve his sex life and her disapproval will lead to a bit of a drought on that front.

It is surprising how well this simply bit of female assertion has worked for those of Hannah’s friends who have tried it.

Obviously this is only a small first step toward a female lead relationship; but for many couples that first step is all that is needed to reset the marriage.


  1. Although this dynamic works well for both you and Hannah, to say that a woman should take charge (which seems to indicate ALL women) I think is a little broad brushed if I may say so.

    Many women are perfectly happy assuming the submissive role in much the same way you do for Hannah. In my opinion, successful relationships have more to do with compatibility than any sort of gender supremacy.

    It’s sort of like telling a homosexual male that has had a string of bad relationships that perhaps he should try women instead.

    If the wiring isn’t present in either of the couples, pointing them towards a femdom relationship I’m not sure is the right answer.

  2. strong, you are quite right – one size does not fit all. However, a bit of assertion on the part of a woman will often improve a relationship or a marriage.

    Does it go all the way to a full female lead relationship. Maybe. But setting standards and taking a bit of control at least in the bedroom will tend to restore a marital balance.

    Of course compatibility is critical. However the man a woman marries and is compatible with can fairly quickly “go to seed” which is precisely what a woman does not want or need.

    Hannah’s suggestions have worked wonders in relationships which are miles away from any sort of feminine supremacy. A woman who demands respect gets respect.

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